After some more research, reading, and plotting, I’ve come up with a new fitness program for what I’m considering Bridesmaid Bootcamp 2011.  It’s ambitious, but leaves plenty of room for recovery, and is totally doable — even if I will have to really buckle down in the beginning and get myself in line.  Some say it takes 21 days, or 27 days, or a Whole 30.  I’ll let you know when I find out, but I do know that it takes beginning.

The basic idea is that I spend four days a week at work, and I need to spend four days a week in the gym (two for heavy lifting, two for HIIT training).  I am going to get up a little earlier (5 am) and hit the gym before work (7 am) on the days that I work.  To be sure that I give myself enough recovery time, I am going to alternate the days (weights, intervals, weights, intervals).

My A day will include back squats, bench presses, rows, and dips.
My B day will include deadlifts, overhead presses, pull-ups and thrusters.
My interval workouts will be 20 minutes on the treadmill.

What about those other three days of the week?  Well, I’m off work.  Obviously.  One of those days I will use the Tabata protocol for a quick but highly effective workout, one day will be a nice long walk or a hike, and one day will be a total rest day.

So.  That kind of a workout plan, coupled with the kind of clean eating that I need to begin ASAP (can my check please clear so I can go buy food?!), will result in inevitable success. 

I am feeling really, really good about this.

Now, immediately after I decided this, I got thrown for a little bit of a loop — next week, I work all four days right in a row, which backs up into Easter.  Another shift.  So five days in a row.

I will most likely take either Saturday or Sunday off completely to try to recharge my workout batteries a little bit, but a lot of this decision will have to depend on what the rest of my work week looks like for the week after next.

Right now, I am waiting for my paycheck to process in the bank, which is a little bit ridiculous.  Once that happens (I will call the bank tomorrow on my lunch if it hasn’t cleared yet), I will go and buy myself some yummy healthy food to eat and enjoy.  Trader Joe’s and I are going to be best friends very, very soon; my body will definitely benefit from that friendship!!

Another new friendship my body will benefit from is the dog I just adopted.  She was abandoned at my job, and I decided that I just had to bring her home.   So we’re going to enjoy walks together that will definitely boost my low-level fitness capacity!  (Of course, walking with my mom’s dogs will do that as well…so for awhile, it will be an even bigger boost.)

I am definitely looking ahead at all the brightest things yet to come!

There are a lot of things that have changed since the beginning of the year, when I wrote my post on intentions for the year, but the core of it all is the same.  I am still trying to focus on my health (albeit inconsistently), my relationships and blessings, my money, and my education.  However, I’ve returned to South Caroina, to what I feel is my “real life” at my old job, in my old apartment complex, and I can’t tell you what a huge weight it is off my shoulders.

Not that I don’t miss the people I love so much in New Jersey.  I really, really do.  More than words can express.  But I need to be here.  Sad as the realization was, NJ is not home for me anymore.  This is my home.

I am returning to this blog with less grandiose ideas of what it should be.  What I need it to be is a place for me to write, to get out what I’m thinking and feeling, and to keep myelf focused on the important stuff.  That might mean that some days, I post six times, and then you won’t hear from me for four days straight.  If that happens, and anyone is actually reading this, I’m sorry.  But I’m mercurial sometimes.

Tonight is Susannah and Richard’s wedding.  Monday begins my first Whole 30, for better or worse.  I have to do this.  I fully believe it’s the only way to recommit to my health this year; it’s a huge intention in my life, and while I have lost some fat and done some things here and there to get myself headed in the right direction this year, I have yet to fully commit and do what I know is essential to long-term health.

Also, I realized today that keeping myself in suboptimal health has been a means to give myself something to constantly fixate on, to keep myself apart from others, and ultimately to protect myself from things that have happened in my past.  I have to let all of that go, actively, and embrace health, vibrancy, and passion.

Plus, I have to get a bridesmaid’s dress by May, and have it altered by August! 

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling;
He who makes one is a fool.
~F.M. Knowles

No resolutions?  No.  What then?  Intentions.

Tim Ferris developed the concept of a Dreamline, and I found it to be of a lot of use when determining what I wanted to focus on the most (that’s code for click the link and make your own!).  When you make a Dreamline, you can do it in six and twelve-month intervals; you list up to five things that you want to achieve in the categories of being, having, and doing.  Then you put stars next to the 4 things on the list, total, that will make the most difference.

To be completely honest, I had a dreamline done just weeks ago and this post was written around that.  However, I had a minor life implosion in the meantime, and a fair amount of what was on the list no longer applies.  Why?  Well, because I have a lot of new things to worry about.  On the other hand, a lot of the basic concerns still apply.  Initially, I had highlighted these four: health, financial independence, school, and building the empire.  Other items that didn’t quite warrant a star were being fluent in Spanish, cooking healthy food, and buying a new computer, a Kindle, a new digital camera and a Cloud b Sleep Sheep (which I will have, star or no star).

The point is, all of those things are worthy/necessary/possible.  But your focus is supposed to be on the four “stars.”

Health
I wrote previously a glimpse into the health pursuits I plan to take, and this is not changing.  2011 is the year that I am going to embrace health and fitness in a holistic, sane way that will make success inevitable.  Really, it’s pretty simple — I am going to eat whole, nutritious food and I am going to exercise like I mean it.  Then I’m going to sleep like I mean it (with my Sleep Sheep).  More than anything, I’m going to avoid the tendency I hold in my heart to make everything more complicated than it has to be.  I want to be healthy; I am simply going to live in a healthy way and enjoy every minute of it.  Otherwise, I will go through the year feeling crappy and sick, and this time next year, I will have to put “getting ahold of my health” on my list of intentions again — who wants that?

Financial Savvy
One of the major goals in this arena is to go through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.  However, I am most interested in learning new ways to invest and manage my money.  I plan to open a high-yield savings account and set aside an emergency fund as well as saving as much as possible.  I will begin 2012 in a much stronger financial position than I am beginning 2011, if only through sheer force of will.  The major points of 2011 in terms of finances?

• I am going to put 20% of my income into savings before anything else.
• I am going to use as little of the remaining 80% to live on and funnel any extra back into savings.
• I am going to track every expense.  That’s right.  I have a little notebook all ready to go to track plusses and minuses, and every cent counts.

School
This is one of the things I thought I had all figured out.  I was enrolled, I was handling the financial aid situation, I had steps and specific goals and programs all lined up that I was aiming towards.  All of that is gone now.  I am starting from utter scratch.  Being so thrown off course has shaken me up significantly.  For a day or two I entertained thoughts of basically running off and joining the circus.  I can’t lie and say it doesn’t seem very appealing, even now.  But I know that I was on the right track before all of this happened, and when the dust settles I want to be able to find myself back on that same track, moving steadily towards my goals.

I am going to try to get enrolled, registered, and financial aid-ed up in time to start taking pre-req classes here.  This will be a feat of Herculean effort, since the semester starts very soon — but I have to say, I think it can be done.  Especially because I have very little else to do until a job is secured (interview Monday, cross your fingers please!).  It’s just a matter of filling out the right forms and going gstep by step through the process as quickly as possible.

Building the Empire
There was initially a completely different focus to this “building the empire” jag.  I’ve been very interested in entrepreneurship and branding and all that jazz since I read some interesting material in that vein.  Unfortunately, I may have gone a little crazy and thought this was something I could do overnight.  The mindset has been crafted, but the actual “empire” will take longer to accomplish.  At least in the business sense.

I’ve begun to think of my “empire” in terms of returning home, and where I want my focus to really lie this year — in relationships.  I have been blessed, in a really roundabout way, with the ability to surround myself again with many of the amazing, wonderful people I have counted myself so lucky to know in recent years.  How lucky!  My best friend in the whole world and her beautiful daughter, the girl I became instantly friends with the first day of freshman orientation that subsequently became like a sister to me and her beautiful daughter, college friends I have missed laughing with and whose presence always makes me feel at home.  This is where it all began, and while there are some sad things and some letting go when it comes to returning, overall there is nothing but blessing and love here for me.  This year, I want to focus on the joy these relationships bring to my life; I want to revel in being able to go from seeing these amazing people once a year to being able to see them much more frequently!  I want to look back on 2011 as a year filled with raucous laughter to the point of tears — and an annual Christmas party last week and an annual “family” Christmas Eve dinner last night have gone a long way to making it click in my head that I belong here.  Even if I can’t see the reasons for my return at the moment, I know that they are plentiful and that all will be revealed in time.

And, as the cornerstone of what will eventually be a vast and thriving empire of helping to heal what ails the world, this blog will be getting its own regular posting schedule.  Guaranteed access to what the hamsters on the wheel in my head have churned out.

This is what the hamsters in my head sound like.

These intentions are based on the six-month Dreamline, but they will have a significant impact on everything that lays beyond that point.  Aside from periodically checking in on these intentions to keep myself honest and let you know how it’s all coming along, I will post in six months to compare and contrast the things I wanted to achieve with what I managed to achieve (guess what?  it will be all of the above and more).  Definitely keep your eyes out for that one if you want to be reassured of what’s possible when you simply admit that anything is possible, and work towards what you really want.

If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable,
you disconnect yourself from what you truly want
and all that is left is a compromise.
Robert Fritz

In 2010, in South Carolina, I made real progress in a lot of areas.

1. I supported myself 100%.
2. I achieved relative success at my job.
3. I made wonderful new friends.
4. I started to pay more attention to my health.
5. I got out of my head every once in awhile.

These things are no small feat, when you put them in context — since you may not have much context on my life, you’ll just have to take my word for it.  I was comfortable, content, and did not want.  I was able to buy a new car (since my poor Lola was on her very last legs) and I was even able to buy a new house (a deal that did not end up working out, and which I was then able to get out of unscathed).  Who else do you know that can say the word “unscathed” in relation to the housing market these days?

Moreso than anywhere I’ve lived in my adult life, I feel like I know Greenville.  I went out, I made connections, and there are parts of the city that I really miss.  It wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t been able to step outside myself and live so comfortably for once.  I will forever appreciate what Greenville was to me, and I will never forget it.  I will always look back fondly on 2010 as the year that the legitimate change in my life really began.

That said, the biggest accomplishment of 2010 was that when the time came, I was able to let go of the comfort and contentment of South Carolina and step out into the new horizon for a chance to embrace something better.

Normally, I would do a “year in review” type of post.  This year, however, I want to focus more on the amazing goals that are shimmering on this new horizon; that’s what the next post will be centered on.  Some major, major changes have been working themselves out over the past few weeks.  I’ve realized that I don’t have to settle for just scraping by, and I am going to show you how I plan to do better.

Hopefully that will incite you to also plan and prepare for more!

My “meaningful life” is based on the virtues of the tale of two wolves, as expressed in several key values of mine: joy, gratitude, service to others, depth of relationships, good health and financial independence.  (Good health and financial independence are things I consider cornerstones, because until those things have been accomplished it can be difficult to pay attention to cultivating the rest of these values.  Don’t miss the beauty the world has to offer just because you’re too busy just scraping by.)

I am not the only one to recognize that joy and gratitude are closely linked.  When you keep your eye on what you have in life to be thankful for (in my case, a mother who supports every crazy decision I ever make, friends who have stuck by me through the truly unimaginable, an unshakable sense of self, and a tuxedo cat who snuggles up with me in the evening and makes my blood pressure noticeably drop) will multiply your joy ten-fold.  When you take your eyes off those things, it can be easy to get mired in all the possible woes (like the frustration of watching my dog run loose, pretending he cannot hear me calling him) and hard to remember what this world truly can be (like the warmth and laughter of good friends over a potluck dinner).*

When you are truly thankful for what you have, it is also difficult to avoid service to others — embracing kindness, benevolence, compassion and generosity is really a no-brainer when you have the joy and peace in your life that comes from true gratitude; the hope you feel for yourself, you will want to spread as far and wide as you can.  Kindness and empathy become a sort of second nature.  And if you don’t believe me, ask Muhammad Ali.  He wants you to know that, “service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.”

I am hardly going to pretend that I’ve achieved much on the list of goals I have set out for my life.  I am still working towards perfecting my health and becoming truly financially independent (hint: spend less, appreciate more).  I am still struggling with my quickness to judge and a definite lack of humility in most instances.  But I do take the advice of Will Durant, who urges us to “forget mistakes.  Forget failures.  Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.  Today is your lucky day.”

Camus wanted us to “live to the point of tears,” and I try to.  I work to always deepen my relationships and bonds with the people close to me, no matter how far away I may travel.  I try not to let an opportunity pass me by to be generous, to be kind, or to let someone know how much they truly mean to me.  And I have seen the light.  I have seen that “love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within,” (James Baldwin) and that “in giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery).  I take Einstein’s advice not to aim to become someone of success, but of value.  And I know “there is no way, there is no essence, there is no secret.  The truth you seek is not hidden from you.  You are hiding from it.” (Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro)

So join me.  Embrace these virtues, live by these values, consistently seek to leave everything better than when you found it. 

Tonight, I am taking a break to attend the Christmas party of dear old friends — this may mean I won’t be back tomorrow, since I might sleep all day!  (Hopefully not, one of the joys of visiting home is getting my egg bagel from the bagel shop down the road; I wouldn’t want to miss it.)

But I will return!  The next few posts will illustrate how far I’ve come so far and how much further I intend to go — and hopefully, they will inspire you to look within and figure out how to turn everything around.  Right now.  Because this is the only moment that is ours to do it — do not be “so imprudent [to]…wander in times that are not ours, and give no thought to the only time that does belong to us.” (Blaise Pascal)

In good time we shall see
God and his light, you say.
Fool, you shall never see
What you do not see today!
Angelus Silesius

*If you find yourself focusing too much on “what’s wrong,” remembering this piece of Cherokee wisdom may help you like it helps me: Everything in life comes to you as a teacher.  Pay attention.  Learn quickly.

We’re all probably pretty familiar with the “Serenity now!” clips from Seinfeld.  But serenity (calmness, tranquility) is no less a virtue to be actively pursued just because it was a hysterical running gag on a super popular TV show.  Chronic stress can lead to a whole host of troubles: anxiety, heart disease, stroke, weight gain, and memory loss amongst them.  Part of achieving holistic health is working to eliminate stress.

So how do we find serenity?  Rabbi Zeliq Pliskin warns against falling prey to the “two myths that work against mastery of serenity” –  believing that serenity is a gift that either you possess or do not possess and believing that only when someone is in a perfectly peaceful environment can one maintain serenity.  Carolyn Rubenstein agrees, giving us eleven great tips to work towards serenity.

My favorites here?  Rock out, laugh, and reconnect.  What are yours?

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Reinhold Niebuhr

Emmanuel says “as your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.”  I’m sure we all know that one truly faithful person, whose light shines from the peace within.  And I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like they’ll never quite get to that place.

Faith is often a spiritual concept.  However, it can also be a confident belief or trust in a person, idea or thing.  Gandhi emphasized that we “must not lose faith in humanity.  Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”  Has humanity lost its luster in your eyes?  Visit this site for stories about some truly remarkable people, like a Mississipi civil rights worker who scared off the Klansmen buring a cross in her yard and then brought her children out to toast marshmallows over the flame, or the driver who turned on his brights to highlight the way for over an hour when a fellow driver’s car lost its headlights. 

There are still people out there worthy of our faith.  We should strive to be among them.

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing she hath wings.
Victor Hugo

Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity, and it is seriously lacking in society.  Why?  It’s a lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others.  If we make friends with ourselves, there’s no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.  There are no prerequisites for being compassionate, and you should probably look into it ASAP.  The Dalai Lama wants you to know that “compassion is not religous business, it is human business; it is not a luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability; it is essential for human survival.”  This sentiment is echoed in Thomas Merton’s thoughts that “the whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.”

The Chater for Compassion would like us all to take more interest in demonstrating this virtue both for others and for ourselves.  After all, “compassion will cure more sins than condemnation,” according to Henry Ward Beecher.

However, Pema Chodron acknowledges that “compassionate action involves working with ourselves as much as working with others.”  It is not always easy to feel compassionate.  Cultivating compassion is a sometimes difficult process, although it is rewarding.  You can begin by learning how to listen.  Also remember that “if we would see others as they see themselves, our shyness would soon become compassion.” (Robert Brault)  It’s not easy, but it’s vastly rewarding.  It can help to redeem society, and it can help to redeem us.

Compassion alone stands apart from the continuous traffic between good and evil proceeding within us.
Eric Hoffer

Truth: the actual state of a matter.  There has been a lot of talk about truth, how to find it and where it is.  Shoseki states that it “only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived notions,” which makes sense.  Mark Twain famously agreed: It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.   That is why “it will never be possible by pure reason to arrive at some absolute truth,” like Werner Heisenberg says.

Moreover, even truth obtained can be a slippery slope for some.  After all, the truth leaves us feeling exposed and raw.  Alexander Solzhenitsyn reminds us, “We do not err because truth is difficult to see.  It is visible at a glance.  We err because this is more comfortable.”

To combat this discomfort, we must always be working towards authenticity — that is, truthfulness of origins, attributions, commitments, sincerity, devotion and intention.  Because “truth is such a rare thing, it is delightful to tell it,” says Emily Dickinson.  By being an authentic person, you “let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?” (Fanny Brice)

Seth Godin makes the excellent point that authenticity is probably closer to doing what you promsie than being who you are (he says: You could spend your time wondering if what you say you are is really you. Or you could just act like that all the time).  That makes so much sense that everybody seems to say it, from Fanny Brice to Mark Twain, who is the original version of the pearl of wisdom “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything” — oft-borrowed by Judge Judy.

Telling the truth is a step towards honesty, which is a facet of moral character — being upright, fair, sincere, frank, and free from deceit and fraud.  This is so important, because, as a Russian proverb seeks to remind us, “with lies you may get ahead in the world — but you can never go back.”

Seek to live in an authentic, honest place.  Choose truth (unless you get asked if your girlfriend looks fat, guys).

Be what you are.  This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.
Julius Charles Hare

Generosity is the habit of giving freely without expecting anything in return.  Mitch Albom notes that “the way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”  We have to remember that no matter how much we may feel like one, no man is an island, and we are all connected (after all, we are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness, as Thich Nhat Hanh said).

Learning to Give maintains that ”generosity is an impulse that invokes deep and vital healing in the human family.  Sharing our gifts with each other—whether they be gifts of love, time, attention, skills, or money—releases a powerful force for positive change in both the giver and the receiver.”  This is reminiscent of the Buddha’s advice: Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared.

If you are not fortunate enough to have people in your life with whom you wish to be generous, please consider patronizing an organization bearing the name of this virtue: Generosity Water is working to provide the world’s most important natural resource to the estimated one billion people in the world who don’t have access to clean, safe drinking water.   They hope this will put an end to a child dying every fifteen seconds from a water related disease, and empty over half the world’s hospital beds, which are filled with patients affected by water related illnesses.

Feel like tackling clean water for the world is too much?  How many homes can you really build for the working poor?  How many blankets can you provide to people sleeping on the streets in the winter?  The answer here is twofold: one, you would not believe me if I told you how great your power is with concentrated effort.  And two?  Mother Teresa reminds us, “If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”

Just do what you can.  You will be amazed by how much that truly is.

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.
John Wesley